Feeling G-ill-ty

I am home sick from work today. Legitimately, grossly ill. I've been feeling terrible since last night. What I find interesting is that I am not only feeling bad physically, but morally as well.

When did it become the norm to feel guilty about getting sick? This situation is, of course, directly related to my place of business. The last thing I want to do at any point in time is make any of my coworkers' lives any more difficult, up to and including having to rearrange their schedules due to my absence. That being said, I'm the one barfing my brains out.

I'm sure it doesn't help that I've had to miss a couple of random days over the last couple of months due to another random bout of sickness as well as a minor injury.

So, who else has experienced this phenomenon? How have you dealt with it?

Am I A Selfish Person?

For most of my adult life, I have taken some amount of pride in the fact that I would generally consider myself to be a gracious, giving person. On the whole, I tend to put the consideration of others before my own. I have always assumed that this would make me the opposite of "selfish." However, upon further pondering, I have begun to question whether this, in an of itself, is ultimately a form of selfishness.

In many aspects of my life, I frequently go out of my way to do things for others; At work, I regularly make it a point to assist both students and coworkers, whenever the opportunity arises. I would do anything for my friends at the drop of a hat. In my marriage, I almost always put my wife's wants and feelings before my own. The deeper question ultimately becomes; Why?

If I really break it down, my motivation for doing this is clear; to make other people happy. Therein, however, lies the rub. Making other people happy makes me feel good. And there, right there, is where the selfishness aspect comes in. Ultimately, I suppose I'm not doing it for them, but for myself. If it didn't make me feel good, either immediately or later in a more indirect way, would I still do it? I can't say with certainty. Possibly not.

And so, again, the question remains, and I will offer it to you: Does this ultimately make me a selfish person?

Now Here It Is, Your Moment Of Zen

Yesterday I had a moment of pure zen.  It was absolutely beautiful.  I was driving on Old Creek Road, between Highway 1 and Highway 46.  I had all the windows down and the sunroof open; what really made the difference was my random decision to turn off the stereo, which I NEVER do when driving.  It made all the difference in the world.

What followed was a complete and total sensory overload.  All five of my senses were being concurrently bombarded with input, in a way that I've never really experienced before.  I'll attempt to break it down for you;

Sight: The drive along Old Creek Road is pretty spectacular to begin with, featuring heavily wooded areas, a stretch along a cliff overlooking Whale Rock Reservoir, various orchards and pastures, etc. On top of that, as it's transitioning to Autumn, the colors of the plant life were striking.  Tons of green (obviously), but many shades of yellow, orange and red as well.  It didn't hurt that I was the only car on the road, either.

Sound: Again, turning the stereo off was the clincher here.  With the windows all down and the sunroof open, the sound of the wind rushing by was intense.  Along with that, the complementary sounds of nature were amazing.  The rustling of leaves, the chirping of birds, neighing of horses, etc. all contributed to the experience.


Smell: "Fresh" is really the only word that captures what I'm looking for as a descriptor.  The obvious plant life was the main feature here, but the chill crispness of the air (the temperature was right around 68 degrees) had its own aroma, akin to the sweet sting of mint.

Taste: Yes, taste was even a factor here.  The cold air carried on it the flavors autumn, and with each inhaled breath I tasted the surrounding wildlife.  PS - I was not on drugs.

Touch: The bite of the cool afternoon air combined with the sensation transmitted from the road through the car were unbelievable.  Add to that the adrenaline coursing through my bloodstream as I was driving a car that was designed for precision handling at high speeds, and it was like being in another world.

All in all, it was only a fifteen minute experience, but it stuck with me for the rest of the day.  It completely changed my mood for the better, and I can't wait to do it again.

Get Off My Lawn! (Grandpa Syndrome)

"When I look in the mirror, I can't believe what I see.  Tell me, who's that funky dude staring back at me?  Broken, beaten down, can't even get around, without an old-man cane I fall and hit the ground.  Shivering in the cold, bitter and alone.

I don't want to be an old man anymore, it's been a year or two since I was out on the floor. Shaking booty, making sweet love all the night, it's time I got back to the good life."

-- "The Good Life", by Weezer

At a mere thirty years old, I have already become the cranky old bastard I hoped never to resemble even upon reaching octogenarianism. I can't pinpoint precisely when the transformation occurred, but at this point it's irrelevant anyway. I am now "That Guy."

I frequently hit the sack before 10pm. My alcohol consumption is vastly overshadowed by my milk consumption. My best friend, besides my wife, is my cat. I have, to my sheer terror, uttered the phrase "Get off my lawn!"

Now, don't get me wrong, there are some aspects of my personality that aren't prematurely elderly; I play guitar. I love skateboarding. I enjoy video games, and potty humor, etc.

I guess my point here is a cautionary one. You may find yourself thinking, "This could never happen to ME!" I thought the same thing. Watch your back, it tends to sneak up on you.

I'll leave you with this plea, my friends; help me. Take me out and get me drunk. Let's go steal something, or blow something up. Whatever it might take, help me to find my inner crazy teenager again.

But most importantly, stay off my lawn.

Good Vibrations

Vinyl is dead.  Long live vinyl!

I say this not only as an audiophile and unapologetic music snob, of which I am both, but as a person who misses the pre-digital age.  The irony of proclaiming this via blog post does not escape me.  What I refer to more than anything is how the digital age has completely bastardized the way that we consume music.

There was a time when music was released on LPs.  The vibrations of the music were encoded onto a thin, black disc of vinyl and shellac.  These discs, "records" as they were so named, were then spun at a pre-determined speed while a small needle traveled through the pre-recorded groove, transmitting those vibrations to an amplifier, which would then relay said vibrations either through a set of speakers or a pair of headphones (clearly the preferred format).

When creating an album, musicians put an incredible amount of forethought and effort into arranging the tracks in just such a way that the listener would actually experience the music, the way the artist so specifically intended, from start to finish.  Albums like Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here", Led Zeppelin's "III", and The Beatles' "Revolver" were complete odysseys through auditory landscapes and profound storytelling.

Today, music is encoded into binary language, a never ending series of ones and zeroes, and stored on a hard drive.  These bleeps and bloops can be accessed at will with the push of a button, and be transmitted through the jankiest of all devices of audio projection; the earbud.  We can sign into iTunes and download single-songs-worth of ones and zeroes at a time, and listen to them completely stripped of not only their audio fidelity, but their fidelity as a piece of something greater than themselves.

Our culture of convenience has a similar impact on many facets of daily life.  Due primarily to our increasing laziness, the food we eat is more and more commonly microwaved or flash-fried.  Instead of actually getting outdoors and exercising, we can now stay in the comforting confines of our living rooms and "exercise" via Wii Fit (don't get me wrong, I love playing Wii and other video games as much if not more so than the next guy, but it's certainly not a suitable replacement for physical activity).  In fact, many kids today can barely write because of such a heavy focus on typing and text-messaging.  Spellcheck programs eliminate the need for natural spelling accuracy.  As much as these technological innovations contribute to our lives being easier, they are incredibly detrimental to the quality of our experiences.

I highly recommend that as soon as possible, you find a friend with a turntable and some records, maybe your parents (or at this point in time more likely your grandparents), plug in a pair of over-the-ear headphones, put the needle at the beginning of the groove, and take a trip.  I guarantee you'll enjoy having done so, and you'll quite likely hear things in the recording that you could never have heard before.